The amount of mindful fucks I give is

0. Zero. None. Kosong.

Usually I see myself having to handle people with low intelligence during the end of the year. In 2014, all was calm. I thought I broke the curse once and for all. Then came Jan 2015. 

But, there is a twist! Oh what fun.

What I've learnt is : Stupid people are nothing compared to those who are book smart but have no street cred to save themselves . Although no matter how advance technology is, there is no cure for stupidity . That we cannot blame. However, no matter how educated a person is (with degree / masters / phd from our local university), if they are not street smart, they also cannot learn how to be street smart from books ie. Study so much also no use . 

Difference between book smart and street smart : book smart reads books, street smart reads between the lines .

With that, here's my response .

Truth be told, I really don't give a rat's ass how you view me nor how you feel about me . I don't live for you neither do I feed on your abundance of love , if any.

I say what I want to say , do what I want to do, sit the way I want to sit, speak the way I want to speak, sleep whenever I want to sleep, pay no attention whenever I want to pay no attention. This is me being mindful of my personal desires.

Of course, I'm just pointing fingers at a handful of people on this social media platform . I am doing Publicity afterall. Where better to point my fingers at and how else better ? Being a keyboard warrior is the same as bitching behind someone's back, except I have a wider audience . 

For I am a thousand times bitchier. Here's what I would love to address.

1) Don't ask for committee's immediate approval if I am supposed be "smart" about it and ask to "take it offline", just because I asked too many questions as I am not book smart . Yes, there wasn't any need for me to understand because it's kinda NONE OF MY BUSINESS , but mind you, I am part of the committee . Therefore I can take an hour of the meeting to fully comprehend if needed to. I can't be and won't be nodding my head along rest due to time constraints. 

Also, I don't even think that's the correct term as we were offline =[

Then again, what do I know ? Y'all are the smartest ones !

2) I'm not sorry at all for not participating in the workshop . I've already said my apologizes to the one conducting and if i like to attend workshops, there are plenty provided by PA . 

Thing is I don't, especially if I am not interested in it.

3) I feel as thou I got trolled. Every time any of us organize events, we also produce a program. I don't see why you and you should be of any difference . However, the only information given to us was the venue and start&end timing . Whatever happened to the inbetween? I took the initiative to ask for the second day's plan so I can plan my own activities . I asked not just once, but three times to confirm. I even drop a text in the chatgroup and there wasn't any response . You and you who knows the exact timing or that there are changes should just reply and not have me blindly wait under the hot sun. I called upon reaching just to find out that y'all will be arriving an hour later . This caused a turbulence to my schedule . I had to make my way home instead . Time wasted. Money wasted . Above all, I could have a better planning of my own activities .

#FML

4) If you don't know, don't talk cock. Don't come and tell someone else saying dodgeball IG is unsustainable if I have to be there at every session. Like watering a water pipe ; it will not grow. 

(Actually, it will grow...grow rusty. LOL )

Will. Not. Grow ?!?!?!

So funny, it deserves two memes.

You must be kidding me. Because since the last we spoke , many things have change . I am truly disappointed in you. First of all, you don't even know how we run things , you don't even bother to find out . Secondly, you have never joined us in any session, in any events . Thirdly , honestly what have you done as a Sports Secretary? Perhaps you should do some mindful reflecting before saying mindless stuff .

I am only 67/90 on the mindful scale !

Someone asked me what is PAYM all about . I said a group of youths with the same ideology coming together to build a better community between communities . Apparently, I was lying through my teeth . I am very proud of what I've contributed thus far and feel that I've done my part to the fullest. There is only so much I can do yet I have definitely done so much more than the previous conveyor. 

You want successful and regular small scale events? Here's 4 since I took over.

Yes, I may refuse to participate in other activities that is of a bigger scale involving other committees, that doesn't mean I am a pushover . I am just not like most you. I don't find joy to be involved in other things . If you noticed me the way you notice other people, you will find that my talent lies within kids and they are who I love working with. 

Not everyone can handle 30 running kids at one time.

I maybe rude (and crude) in some of your eyes but that's because you fail to read between the lines. You fail to read tones and facial expressions. You fail at the streets. Therefore , take offense all you want , because 

us

I am nothing like her, and she's nothing like me.

I will never understand why you would chose someone like her over someone like me. How did your taste change overnight? What did I do to have pushed you so far away from me? I stood by you thru hard times. I supported you thru hard times. I was there for you all the time.

But, where were you when I needed you?

I pondered over our relationship every now and then. How did this bittersweet emotion feel so right? How did I manage to overlook every single flaws of yours? How was it possible that every inch of you is beautiful to me? Why did I even try to see your beauty?

I loved you, thats why.

I cherished our fights, our disagreements, our everything negative. I think it adds spice to our relationship and I wouldn't exchange any second of that for the world. All the battle scars we had are all worth it. All the heated exchanges were all worth it.

Because, it means we were fighting for each other.

There are so much more I'd do for you then that I will still do for you now. I hope you are doing great. I hope she takes good care of you , even more than I ever did. I hope you have found your one true love. I hope she has also found her one true love.

That girl who is nothing like me.

Things that I will never tell you

I am totally the man in this picture while Koh's the woman.

Coming into the 6th month of my breakup with Koh, I am reaching the stage of resentment at myself and feeling really sorry for myself. Last two nights was full of "what has become of me". At first, i get sympathy from my friends then it was pity and now, I guess I am just annoying the fuck out of them. When asked what should I do if one day I were to stop teaching, Oldman said, "Write". I pondered on it for abit and then agreed. I may not a writer to begin with, however he reminded me of how useful this tool is.

It was a tool I used to get it out of my system.

A relationship is like cooking soup; too many cooks spoil it, but when and if given too little attention, water gets evaporated into nothing. What happened between the both of us was abit of everything. There was a time where I cheated, then we both cared too much, then he cheated, then I decided to take steps back while he threw his attention at me, then there is where we are right now. Guess we just grew old too fast and instead of going out doing things people our age do, we stayed in, cuddled, and that was it. We led such a "marriage" lifestyle, I almost didn't blame him for cheating on me - I still don't.

Whereas for the longest time, I blamed it on myself. I said, to myself, that I wasn't good enough, I was just terrible, I didn't listen, I couldn't get to him 'cause I didn't try hard enough, 'cause I was lazy, 'cause I this I that.Every.Single.Day.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, and if we kept tabs, I am Jesus of all Girlfriends, I daresay.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, we both know its unhealthy if we kept on going.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, and I still will go back to him in a heartbeat -without any romantic gestures-, I think I am a failure, which, sad to say, I am.

Maybe, I shouldn't be reminiscing at all. Perhaps, its the period that's talking right now. Otherwise, I'd like to start on my list of Things I Will Never Tell You. After months of avoiding and hiding my feelings under my bed, this is going to be my first step of handling my breakup with Koh. Although, I never expect a day where he will stop loving me and stop being my The One, I wish him the best with the other 937873987 girls he's chasing right now.

I will never tell you how comfortable you make me feel under my skin for the first few years of our relationship. Maybe your dick just needed some actions and I was there therefore in order to get some, your natural instinct was to praise me.

I will never tell you how how much I needed you and our relationship. How our hands fit nicely into each other's and how nice it is to be with someone who never belittles me.

I will never tell you how I sometimes wonder why me. Why of all the girls in the world, you picked me.

I will never tell you that it hurts now that it is game over for the both of us. I miss my best friend everyday.

I will never tell you that I thought we were forever. Despite all the shortcomings, you are the one I love.

I will never tell you that its your face I want to wake up to every damn morning and the face I want to see before I fall asleep. Its not very handsome nor pleasant yet its the only thing I look forward to.

I will never tell you how much of a liar you are. You said I could tell you everything and anything but then, we hardly speak anymore. It's getting crazy and unbecoming of me to block you from my social media platforms just so that you would miss me too.

I will never tell you that I hate myself for caring, wallowing in self pity and not getting you out of my head. Why wasnt I enough and am I really not enough.

I will never tell you that.

I will never.

Where's your brain at?

People tend to take things for granted. Consciously or subconsciously... as long as you take things for granted, you are shit. At a certain age, I will believe that you have gone through a fair share of like "being taken for granted" therefore there is no reason/excuse for you to not notice that you have/had taken something for granted. Not everything free that comes to you is what you deserve to be put in front of you.

Its like they live by this motto. 

Not sure if you are too poor or just too self centred. But sorry to burst your bubble, not everything revolves around your tiny weeny existence. Okay, I am not sorry. NOT. AT. ALL. Because from that moment, you are deem as a peck of dust - annoying and disgusting - in my life foreverrrr.

I mean seriously where do you really think the balls your team used for warm ups really come from? The organisers so nice to go and bring extra balls for you ah? The organisers not only book the venue, plan the event, arrange for prizes to be given out but also so fucking nice to like "HEY LETS BRING EXTRA BALLS FOR THE PLAYERS TO WARM UP!".

If I dont say this, I really cannot sleep tonight even with this (rant) entry up... YOU STUPID OR WHAT? YOU GOT BRAIN ONE OR NOT. IS YOUR BRAIN WORKING? THERE IS NO CURE FOR STUPIDITY YOU KNOW.

I mean if you dont know anything and you never been part of it, I understand. I will understand that you are ignorant, not deliberately trying to be a dumbass. But, thats not the case. Birds of the same feather flock together because your whole fucking team have no brain. Did a zombie apocalypse happened and I was unaware of it?

Because it seems like the zombies ate your brains!

Anyway, since we have already establish that you and your circle of teammates are brainless, it really makes me feel better and sincerely sorry. I mean, I think its really hard on y'all to be functioning without the most important organ. Life must be really tough on you therefore you find the need to take things for granted because you think you deserve it. I give it to you.

roll eyes to moon and back

However, next time, instead of blowing my top at my keyboard who is very innocent, I shall blow my top then and there. Its about time for y'all to find your brains and work it.

Yup, because I isnt got time for that.

You are quite lucky that oldman stepped in and stopped me from saying anything nasty to you because if you need someone to point out to how stupid your comments was given the fact that you were at the games earlier this year, I def got time for that. Secretly, I am a sadist. I enjoy telling people that they are less than below average.

Ahh, I feel so much better now thou I prolly cringe at the language used in this entry if I were to ever reread it. I prolly wont but I couldnt be bothered to phrase everything nicely with prim and proper english. Let's face it, you can understand meh?

Actually, this entry is not directed to a general You. Its really for a certain group of Yous who unfortunately exist in my life. Not in a very significant way thou but I have to have a conversation with them somehow, at least once a month. Sucks to be me.