Sunday, April 14, 2013

Write my life

Recently I came to a conclusion that I have selective memory. I mainly remember the good that had happened and how upset I was at people. Ask me about my childhood, I surely can tell you the funny. Once, when I was barely 3, I was on a carousel with my mother, I hit a boy on his hand because he was trying to steer the wheel. It was a teenage boy. I even gave him a death stare.

I've never been hit by a child/kid while on a ride before. Not even sure why I did that. I was just selfish. I wanted the wheel all to myself. I am not sure if he was on a date with a girl then but if he was, my bad.

That aside, that will be the only story I can remember about my childhood. I have photos of me dressing my 2 year old brother in a skirt but I never remember how or why it happen. Its not like I didnt know he wasnt a girl... or because he prefers playing my barbie dolls.

Moving along, I went to a childcare.Only memory I have is my teacher waking me up from a wonderful nap because my parents are here... not to pick me up but to celebrate my birthday. Thank you, parents for making me serve my friends on my birthday. That explains why the photos turn out bad and ugly. I had such a sour face on.

And oh, also my teacher brought me out to buy bao one day because I couldnt get to sleep.

As years pass, I've no memory of anything else, I shifted from Serangoon to Jurong. My downstairs neighbour was my best friend and before I left, I told her that we will be best friends forever. Her mum was all like but you are moving.. and yes, her mum was right. For the life of me, I cant remember her face.. or her name. I moved in June.. I didnt have a class photo for graduating Kindergarten. I remember being sad about it. Which is also why I didnt smile when taking my solo graduation photo. Even my power ranger watch was broken. Wait, maybe it was because all the other kids had their photo taken already and were off at the playground playing while I was stuck in a oversize grown. FUCK.

Jurong.... first memory? Being lost. I couldnt find my way around. I couldnt find my helper who was supposed to pick me up at the usual spot but my grandmother came instead and she reprimanded me for not waiting outside the classroom and she had to find me. I even hated the playground.

I didnt make any genuine friends till about primary school. I finally had friends living in the same block. I even told a guy I want to have big breast when I grow up. HAHAHAHAHAHA! It was short lived as we move on to secondary school. Everyone went to a better school. I didnt have an expectation of myself. My parents didnt have any expectations other than "do your best". We are not as Asian as we like to think we are.

My primary school friends always remind me of who bullied me in school and what ive done to revenge or how ive cried. But, I have no recollection of it. They tell me what I said to caused the reaction of others but still, no memory of it. I only remember how everyone laughed at an essay Doug did and I didnt know whats so funny till the teacher explained the joke.

I was such a loser.

Secondary school came and gone. I still got bullied but I forgot how and why. I remember meeting my best friend on a bus when I was 14. I remember meeting Koh when I was 20. And in future, I hope I remember how I got hitched, pregnant and remember my children for the rest of my life. Life hasnt straighten out for me. But, I know I will get there.

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