Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Where my homies at?

I blog for myself.

Although, yes, sometimes it feels good I have readers. I call them my listeners. Listeners who listen (in this case, read) my rants. I rant alot. Alot more than a 20-something year old should. I mean, I have not gone through any major life crisis that needed me to sell my house or not ponder on if I can handle another baby on the way with 3 kids in hand.

With a sigh, I released my relief. Knowing that I am merely 20-something, I can still make mistakes and people will still forgive me. At the same time, knowing that I am 20-something, I ought to make something outta myself. I cant possibly live life by the day, not have huge amount saved and have my parents worry about me when they still have 3 kids to worry for.

I am at a point where I have a job, money is coming (albeit not as much), there are greener pastures (but I am tied down currently with a contract), my bf loves me (although yes we have tiffs more often than any other normal couples out there) and friends who are there for me (for different occasions).

And I dont know what or why am I unhappy still. Definitely, I am not contented with the way things were and I have no fucking clue as to how to curb this fear/feeling/emtion. Rather, I have no fucking idea how to be more contented. Sometimes, like Izz, I'd like to flop myself on the ground and talk to the leaves.

Am I less carefree as I was before because I am 20-something? Is it because I am older now that I want more things in life? I dont even know what I want! Wait, am I even doing what I love now? Oh damn it, I took back my sigh. No relief was released.

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