us

I am nothing like her, and she's nothing like me.

I will never understand why you would chose someone like her over someone like me. How did your taste change overnight? What did I do to have pushed you so far away from me? I stood by you thru hard times. I supported you thru hard times. I was there for you all the time.

But, where were you when I needed you?

I pondered over our relationship every now and then. How did this bittersweet emotion feel so right? How did I manage to overlook every single flaws of yours? How was it possible that every inch of you is beautiful to me? Why did I even try to see your beauty?

I loved you, thats why.

I cherished our fights, our disagreements, our everything negative. I think it adds spice to our relationship and I wouldn't exchange any second of that for the world. All the battle scars we had are all worth it. All the heated exchanges were all worth it.

Because, it means we were fighting for each other.

There are so much more I'd do for you then that I will still do for you now. I hope you are doing great. I hope she takes good care of you , even more than I ever did. I hope you have found your one true love. I hope she has also found her one true love.

That girl who is nothing like me.

Is it THAT bad?

I tend to overthink. Excessively overthink. As if the word "over" is not enough. I blame it on the eagerness to grow up. To prove a point. To be sensible. But I think beneath it all, I am just an empty shell.

I overthink because I feel the need to. I dont like assuming because I dont like to make an ass out of myself.

I overthink because I think its for the best. Its for the best because I felt the need to. I felt the need to because I dont like assuming. I dont like assuming because I dont like to be made an ass.

I overthink because I should. I should because its for the best. Its for the best because I felt the need to. I felt the need to because I dont like assuming. I dont like assuming because I dont like to be the ass.

I overthink because I know there is some kind of logic behind it. I just need to find it because I should. I should because its for the best. Its for the best because I felt the need to. I felt the need to because I dont like assuming. I dont like assuming because its a pain in the ass.

Perhaps, I need to tone it down a little. Perhaps, I am just overthinking the overthinking.

Let's just sidebar

There had been too much sadness in this space. Too much hating. Too much tears. Too much of nothing. I am such a gloomy soul that I had banished all the buoyant in me and joined the army of dejected fools. No, I kid. Christina Lim will prolly smack my ass real hard and drag me by the toe, putting me back on track. So, here I am, bearing some joyous news that happened in my life the past months.

First of all, I started dating this wonderful, athletic stud muffin for about three months now. You would prolly have known if you follow me on instagram (@robotgranny). Despite the decade age difference (which was one of my main concerns), we found ways to communicate and to agree to disagree on certain issues - none that are really major at this point of entry. Sure, not everyday is easy peasy lemon squeezy because I am not the easiest person to get along with and he prolly had already attained deity for all the random and temperamental mood swings/princess fits he had been putting up with. Wow, I just made myself sound like the worst person ever. I applaud him because there was no need for him to do so, but he did.

Conundrum, I call myself. Conundrum.

老的 Lǎo de 's patience for me is astounding and every single bone in me just want to do all the nicest things for him because ...just because. One day, I cooked. Yes, I cooked. I never had to do so because Koh likes cooking and I hate cooking. He likes putting food on my plate, he likes watching me eat while I like to see my plate filled with food and I like to eat. We had a really good food thing going on. Now, that we've broken up, I miss all the abalone congee I will get to eat when I am sick =(

I had the shortest time frame ever to cook congee because 老的 was coming down with flu and I had to meet my friends by 2030h. I knew he won't have anything nutritious to eat before popping his pills, but despite the need to get ready for a night out with my friends at the launch of Fashion TV club, the urge to cook for 老的 was very very strong.

Very very very strong.

With the help of my wonderful housekeeper, I managed to surprise him under his block with a Tupperware of piping hot chicken and century egg congee. We are both cantonese (YAY!) so I assumed that was the go-to congee. The perks of having someone special staying only 6 blocks away, you get to see him whenever you want and need. Of course, sometimes, the term "so near, yet so far" applies as well.

shamelessly throw in a random photo of me

Its only been a while. We are at what people call the "honeymoon period" although we are not together officially but things have been going rather smoothly and I've got a good feeling about this. Then again, its only human to err.

****
Moving on, Chris and I tagged along with Issac and Val for the launch of Fashion TV club.

With IssacRitz. Thanks for the invite, sweetie.

My homegirl, Chris Lim.

Principal with principles Val Low

New found friend, Zul

Group photo together with Michelle Fei and beau.

Yes, I've notice how much I've balloon-ed.

If you, like me, havent gone to Clark Quay for a while, please do. Fashion TV club has two rooms - Hiphop and Progressive House - and its nicely located next to Rasputin Restaurant. Grab a bite there and then party your night at Fashion TV club.

Best thing is, they have their own line of events and drinks. The whole idea of the club is so refreshing and creative. It kinda reminded me of Route66 in Bangkok, only prettier.

P/s: the taxi stand is so near, you can afford to drink to your fill and still grab a cab home safely.

****
Before you think I am all party and nothing good ever happens when with me, you are dead wrong. Some of you might remember what I do for a living. What I do for a living is very noble and I salute myself for the amount of patience and love I have for the humans I work with. I am jus so easily attached, it drives me nuts!

There is some good in me. I like to imagine that and I know actions speaks louder than words, and a picture speaks a thousand words. Therefore, believe it or not, ..

 Head of People's Association photobomb-ed me when the purpose of this photo was for me to photobomb him.

I volunteer.

Yes, yes, I do. I am the Publicity and New Media Secretary for Taman Jurong Community Club Youth Executive Committee (TJCC YEC). This is my second term (every term last for 2 years) and I dont brag about the things I've done because what I've done is just to sit at home, design banners and posters or creating buzz for our upcoming events behind the (computer) screen. Nothing noble,  really and I try to avoid being seen because I feel that I have an image to uphold.

Even Boon Lay CC YEC was shocked to see me as a PAYM Legatus (just fancy word for Ambassador) for #SGYouthsCare. "CELINE? YOU ARE HERE? VOLUNTEERING???" - was the response I got -.-

Eric and I put our smiles on!

As a Legatus, we are supposed to snap photos and upload them on instagram (@TJYOUTHS). In a way, I guess this is a way to cover news? Almost like a reporter. Almost.

I never seen such thing before other than in circus. Apparently its like street workout so no gym required. If you happen to live in Canberra, Sembawang, Singapore, you are in luck! They are one of the Youth Chapters. Please go check it out. The oldest guy is like 43??! Amazing.

****
Right, I've come to the last good news of the entry. *drums roll*

I passed. I dont know what's my result is still but I didnt receive any SMS for a retest. Therefore you are readiing an entry, written by a girl by the name of Celine who can sign! Not excessively but hey, I am done with Intermediate Stage. The next and last stage is Advance, which I doubt I'd be continuing.

As much as I enjoy signing, there is no point and no one to practise with. I might just end up forgetting whatever I've learnt. I've forgotten all the Japanese I've learn when I was 14. I got a Intermediate Certificate for that too.

Oh well, life is such.

Cheers to mid week!

Cory Monteith ..and death

While I am sure I will end up not making any sense in this blog entry, I have to have my two cents worth voiced out. Sure, its been months and come on, just let him rest in peace. However, really? Is there really a need to feel sorry for Lea or for Cory? Because he's young and she's innocent yet she lost her partner. Okay, granted you may feel sorry for Lea for losing someone so dear to her suddenly. In that case, you should feel sorry for everyone out there who lost their loved ones as well. Not just for Lea, Cory's family and the cast of Glee.

In my honest opinion, Cory brought it upon himself.

That dude was decent enough to admit his addiction and checked himself into a rehab with the support of so many people who loved him dearly. Kudos and applause for him from the bottom of my heart. But then why do you ended up overdosed in a hotel room, knowing that you have a problem? I mean, you know you have a problem and you have completed your treatment, why oh why did you not have self control?

There is no point questioning the dead, of course. He wont answer me and I wont get my questions answered. But, am I the only one who saw his death as "you, Cory, brought it upon yourself." There is really no one else to blame but him. I didnt mourn his death and I didnt cry (till the last part) of the Glee episode "The Quarterback" that paid tribute to him via the death of his Glee character, Finn. I cried seeing how sad Lea was when she said she is afraid one day she will forget how he looked and sounded like. And, I dont like Lea.

I talk to him a lot. I can still see his face and I can hear his voice so clearly. Do you think that I'll ever forget? Because I'm afraid that one day I will. Rachel - See more at: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/glee/episodes/the-quarterback/#sthash.tJtVpoHv.dpuf

Therefore coming from me, it means something.

Let's look at Michael Jackson. His death was also uncalled for but the Lord called him back. His cause of death was intoxication. But did he bring it upon himself? No. He didnt ask for it; he didnt fly high like paper and get high like planes. Bitch please, he might not have even enjoyed himself before he breathe his last breath. But comparing Michael to Cory is just demeaning. Your argument is invalid.

Yes yes, there is a special place in hell for people like me. I've succumb to that. Now now, lets all move on and get over Cory's untimely death. Needed an excuse to post a #selfie.

You better WORK BITCH!

Everyone, no really, everyone knows how much I love love love Britney Spears. I dont have all of her albums but I do have all of her scents. And when someone asks me what perfume do I use, I proudly say "Its Britney, bitch."









I am so glad that she's back on track and of course, I am proud of her for getting back on track. Seeing your idol fall and rise up again, only reminds me of how human she is. She's like any one of us. At least, she didnt overdose and die coughcorycough.

Write my life

Recently I came to a conclusion that I have selective memory. I mainly remember the good that had happened and how upset I was at people. Ask me about my childhood, I surely can tell you the funny. Once, when I was barely 3, I was on a carousel with my mother, I hit a boy on his hand because he was trying to steer the wheel. It was a teenage boy. I even gave him a death stare.

I've never been hit by a child/kid while on a ride before. Not even sure why I did that. I was just selfish. I wanted the wheel all to myself. I am not sure if he was on a date with a girl then but if he was, my bad.

That aside, that will be the only story I can remember about my childhood. I have photos of me dressing my 2 year old brother in a skirt but I never remember how or why it happen. Its not like I didnt know he wasnt a girl... or because he prefers playing my barbie dolls.

Moving along, I went to a childcare.Only memory I have is my teacher waking me up from a wonderful nap because my parents are here... not to pick me up but to celebrate my birthday. Thank you, parents for making me serve my friends on my birthday. That explains why the photos turn out bad and ugly. I had such a sour face on.

And oh, also my teacher brought me out to buy bao one day because I couldnt get to sleep.

As years pass, I've no memory of anything else, I shifted from Serangoon to Jurong. My downstairs neighbour was my best friend and before I left, I told her that we will be best friends forever. Her mum was all like but you are moving.. and yes, her mum was right. For the life of me, I cant remember her face.. or her name. I moved in June.. I didnt have a class photo for graduating Kindergarten. I remember being sad about it. Which is also why I didnt smile when taking my solo graduation photo. Even my power ranger watch was broken. Wait, maybe it was because all the other kids had their photo taken already and were off at the playground playing while I was stuck in a oversize grown. FUCK.

Jurong.... first memory? Being lost. I couldnt find my way around. I couldnt find my helper who was supposed to pick me up at the usual spot but my grandmother came instead and she reprimanded me for not waiting outside the classroom and she had to find me. I even hated the playground.

I didnt make any genuine friends till about primary school. I finally had friends living in the same block. I even told a guy I want to have big breast when I grow up. HAHAHAHAHAHA! It was short lived as we move on to secondary school. Everyone went to a better school. I didnt have an expectation of myself. My parents didnt have any expectations other than "do your best". We are not as Asian as we like to think we are.

My primary school friends always remind me of who bullied me in school and what ive done to revenge or how ive cried. But, I have no recollection of it. They tell me what I said to caused the reaction of others but still, no memory of it. I only remember how everyone laughed at an essay Doug did and I didnt know whats so funny till the teacher explained the joke.

I was such a loser.

Secondary school came and gone. I still got bullied but I forgot how and why. I remember meeting my best friend on a bus when I was 14. I remember meeting Koh when I was 20. And in future, I hope I remember how I got hitched, pregnant and remember my children for the rest of my life. Life hasnt straighten out for me. But, I know I will get there.

Nothing gold can stay

Out of sight, out of mind - a wise man once said.

I believe everyone in my life has an expiration date. Be it a break up or someone who left the world before I do. Thing is, unlike food items, we don't know when that date is. We are not prepared mentally and physically. We just have to learn to embrace the new beginning bestowed upon us.

But do I need that? Over time I learnt that life is about anticipating what is going to happen next. Oh the excitement! Why do I smell fear instead? Don't get me wrong. I rather anticipate then to know what will happen next and wait for it to happen. There will be no meaning to life. However am I strong enough to conquer the future?

Take makeup for an example. Jowey Kong just taught me that once I open a new makeup, it is only good for a year. I have been using my makeup for forever. I don't ever remember finishing a foundation power within a year and throw it away. I thought as long as my face don't itch and I do not have outbreaks, I am fine. My makeup products are fine.

Have I overuse the product without realisation and caused my surroundings to be affected as well?

I'm not good at handling relationships. I'm known for pushing people away and not letting people in. I am good at building walls. If not for blogging, id still be in my fort –arrogant and stuck up fort. Have I overextended my stay in some of my friendships?

Things have been happening. I am blinded and overwhelmed by it. I've always have different social clique but they never seem to stay together for a long period. I blame it on the lack of time to socialise ; to meet up for a cup of tea. I also blame it on "too many things so little time".

Perhaps it's time for me to reflect. Stay gold, Ryanlizana Celine NKY. Stay gold.

They condemn what they do not understand

Warning: if you are in good mood and rather skip life lessons, this post is not for you.

Things have been rather quiet lately. Other than my trip to Bangkok, there seems to be nothing else to blog/tweet about! How do others do it? I have never been the kind to blog about my everyday - where did I go, what did I eat, what did I wear, who did I meet, how did I get there, etc -. Do you seriously want to know what time I go for a toilet break?

lol, I do this to Koh and Jared all the time.

Luckily for myself, I love drama - thou it prolly last for only a few hours- and I was pretty stroked that the SMRT saga still has its likes climbing up! Despite it making me feel sad for our society - other than having sadist love seeing others get trolled and know-it-alls giving legal advice -, I did enjoy the good laugh I had every time I see more stupid people commenting on how oblivious and how much of a dumb blonde I am.

Apply cold water to the burn skin!

If seeing is believing then OMFG! Valeria Lukyanova is really barbie doll incarnation!

She's real!

In a social circle, there's bound to be one or two of these imbeciles. You cant like them all, you cant hate them all. What pisses me of is people without their own mindset. I get it, being in a group prolly make you feel invincible. 'Cause you think anything happen, these are your 'brothers/sisters' who have your back. Ya sure, when it comes to being a prick or borrowing a few cents - thats what they can afford only anyway-. I would really like to see what will become of them if shit got real.

lol, teletubby.

Right, you must be confused. You know how I like to 'fry news'? Especially when I am like in the low tide season where everything is so boring and mundane. I need action, news -no, the china strike thing dont concern me. I take cab all the time now-, more action, drama, bitching, ...firstworldproblems!

All.The.Drama..!!

And how I take a glance at someone new and very quickly decide if I like or loathe that person. I am always right one lor so I dont even bother trying to change that part of me. So, like I've said earlier, in a social circle, you cannot like/hate them all.

I always cannot stand a certain someone but I try my best to engage in conversations -although turned out awkward all the time- whenever and however I can. 'Cause since A is friends with everyone else, A shouldnt be what I think A is, right? Nope, didnt work out. Still cant stand A. Funny thing is I cant point what I cannot stand about. Maybe 'cause A accuse me of hanging with them only because I got no other friends/nothing to do -in other words, saying I making use of them- =/ How hilarious. But more on this later.

Along came more new faces. This is where I dont hang out very often anymore as I dont go back to my parents' every night. So every once in awhile, when I arrange to meet C, they are always around. I meet C for a reason; either to catch up on things or to pass C things. Not because like what A thinks, I got nothing else better to do. Hell, I could've stayed home to watch my TV drama!

School? What school?

Koh has always describe some of them as delinquents and even though I havent hold a decent conversation with them yet, I defended them and told Koh to butt out. Although I already know I confirm cannot click with them but because they are friends of a friend of a friend or however related to someone in the original group, I should gave myself a chance to see whats on the inside.

Yup, always motherfucking trust my own instincts. As of 30th Nov 2012, thats my motto.

These kids are mentally disabled. Sick in their own world and perhaps only 20% educated. So full of themselves and very unrealistic. They speak not only without IPO system but also without facts. As thou living in their fantasy world isnt bad enough, they drag others down with them. My heart wept for them all. I hate to be so general because I am really referring to just one or two of them. Oh well, people judge all the time. Therefore, they should be given the benefit to also judge who I am actually referring to.



Pfft, bitch please. You can be an Eurasian and a Singaporean at the same time, you know? The latter is your citizenship and the former is your race. So you mean to say if you are Malay means you are Malaysian? In this case, please tell me which country are Eurasians from! Seriously, who in the blue world -cause we are somewhat 70% water, 30% earth - can pretend to be Eurasian? I, for sure, cannot. 1)I do not have the skin colour. 2) I do not have any angmoh blood flowing in my system. 3) My I/C states otherwise.

Meet Jean Danker, prolly one of the most recognized local (+65) Eurasian.  

*roll eyes*

And, A, its not like I dont give a damn about my brothers. They are entitled to how to live their lives. They dont come to me and tell me how to live mine. Maybe you should care more about your demented family. You are lucky your sister(s) is/are there for you although shit happens and things arent going so well for you in your family. My condolences. God prolly have something else planned for you if you wake up your ideas -come the fuck on, how old already?-. He is always fair.

This post is getting so tough, being unable to name names as most of them are still minors. Therefore, here comes more random alphabets!

These kids are also two faced sons of guns. S, you really think they have your back when they had dissed you more often to any others? Have you long forgotten those days where we genuinely talk about the future? Where have that sensible part of you one to? Is it necessary to get to their good books and forget about being who you are? You are definitely better than that!

[Side track: Oh, before I forget, I must really clear the air! Yes, I teach for a living for some time now. Instead of questioning my ability to do so, perhaps you want a trial lesson to see for yourself? It will cost you about 40-60$ an hour. Doubt you can afford that but it is how much my one hour cost. Now, what about yours? $7.50? K, I give you $10 enough to buy rokok.]

You could also read my testimonials! My students either Band 1 or Band 2 leh. One even got "Best Progress Award"- Not Good Progress but Best! -. Currently, I have 3 parents on my waiting list (since 3 months ago) but I just want to take a break this holiday season and concentrate on my angmoh students. CA2, PSLE and SA2 took its toll on me -insertsadface.

If you dont like the idea of me being a tutor, lan lan suck thumb lor. Just make sure our paths dont meet when you have offsprings that need extra help!]

R and Z, I've never really hold a proper conversation with y'all two before but I know your hearts are kind. I dont have beef with the two of you, tbh. Therefore if yall have/had a problem with me, my apologies.

Sorry Gen X, Gen Y couldnt do any better; Myself included.

Once a bad seed, forever a bad seed. You cant grow anything out of it. But a bad apple can be a good one if you remove the bruise part. However, if a bad apple has maggots in it, its a gone case. Apparently, some of them have maggots in their heads but hey! They who do not understand, condemn.

p/s: pardon the usage of language. Not entirely in the best of mood to type and phrase pRoPerLy.

Of rants and eye rollings

As a forever-misunderstood 20-something year old, I really don't give any hoots about what people think of me. Lets just say, I lived in a bubble wrap. But I am very much contented with my bubble wrap. I don't need to bling it, I don't need to install a surround sound.

As I grow older, my bubble wrap walls became thinner, I slowly accept comments that enlightens me, that changed me to a slightly more tolerable kid. I wasn't exactly likable either was I unlikable. We just need to sync in order to get along.

For you to read till this far, I think I should reward you.

I hate how in Singapore, bloggers are not as tight as bloggers from other countries. I have witness for myself the blog fights and I have been in one myself and obviously, I "won".

Sure there are times you can't get along/see eye to eye but that doesn't mean you can't confront them face to face. Is there really a need to be a keyboard warrior and blogbitch/ tweetbitch about so-and-so? I do complain, bitch and gossip with my fellow blogging friends. However, I sure as hell, don't always blogbitch. I did it once and that's about it.

// By the way, if you cannot stand me and Clarence being siblings close right, then close your slit eyes. No one ask you to see us together. I really dont know how people deem "close". We always hang out at events, I get it. It is really because I am very comfortable with him. We dont hold slumber parties, throw pillows then cry to each other, while pouring our soul and secrets. To top it off, if we were at an event with other bloggers whom we know, we also go say "hi" or sit with them what. Whats your problem, bitch? You jealous?  //

Rants. Ranting. Part and parcel of life. // I did it here because she did it on her twitter that she thought I won't be able to see just because she blocked me since 6 months back?// If you were good friends before, why can't you just speak directly to that party? My question is and always have been, why is there a need to be so uptight?

Take the recent Amy Cheong for an example. If you are not one of those "poor" Malay that she was referring to, why do you even bother and stood to her level? Do you know while you are defending your race, you are also acting like her; demeaning the other races?

Really, do you really have to be so uptight? Can't we all just live peacefully the way we all were before this saga and cultivate a freedom of speech in this society. Yes, in my honest opinion, this is what we lack of: freedom of speech.

Every single fucking (opps. are you gonna defame me now?) thing said, be it in a fit of anger or blahblahblah, seem to always has to be something against one or another. Why can't be like "Iya, she don't know then we correct her and let her live." I believe one is old enough to know what's right and wrong, not cause her to lose her job/dignity for something she obvious lack of education in.

Trust me, I know people who are even more narrow minded than her. Me? I'm just simple minded. Not because she isn't talking about the Chinese.

Wait Whut?

Thank you, IssacRitz for sharing. I didnt know it was... small.

Zac Afro, for goodness sake, you are white!

Photoshop Fail Part 11

SSL has come a long way. We are at version 11 of Photoshop Fails segment! You may also check out the rest of the photoshop fail entries located at the side bars! Here's the previous version; Photoshop failures v.10

Have a good monday, everybody !

Found an old old entry!

You will think that after 6 years of leaving high school, I will have old photos deleted not wanting to have any memories of it. Sure there were silly mistakes and things I've done that I obviously am not proud of. But those were my growing days. I learnt from mistakes (esp hair cuts) and thank the advices I got from teachers who showed their care/concern differently.

I've found an old entry on my high school memories and things I did when teacher is not around/bored. Long gone were the days I blog about my own personal life and its gonna change. Believe me. Like Charlieissocoollike, I am having a mid life crisis. Okay, he had a mid week youtube crisis.

Enjoy!







Remember your Secondary/High School days? Or your graduation? Pity me that my batch of graduates didnt have a Graduation Dinner or Prom or whatsoever. However, I really feel like going thru old pictures of my school days with you.



Like everyone else, I sleep in class especially during Chinese classes because I smartly chose to drop it.



My ex-bf who shares the same common interest as me =]]




I even won medals in Takraw Competitions. Okay, not me. its the boys but I love Takraw. FIND ME A GIRL TEAM!!

I hereby show you my uniform as a Jap School girl:



HOHOHO.


You know the best thing about Secondary/High School timetable is that YOU CAN MEET YOUR BEST FRIEND WHO GRADUATED BEFORE YOU.


What about your fav and least fav Classrooms? I know clearly which is my least fav:

Yes, the place I failed to burn down.

In school, where I figure Chinese guys are not so bad after all:





WE HAVE OUR VERY OWN SUPERMODEL TOO!






RANDOM:

In school, we work too.

Whic eventually lead to:





So during Sports Day this is what we do:




The last day of Os:





My crush-turned-hangout buddy:




We tried skating on a table.




I wish I had a Grad.Night =[


I badly want to watch HSM 3 and see how their Grad. Night went. Dont you?


If I had Grad Night, it will turn out to be like this:

BALLOONS, PPL IN RED AND MUSIC!

I love these three items and I know its not my birthday but one can dream right?


This is prolly how it will turn out to be like. Formal wears, formal picture taking, food, table and alot of F*** the DM!!!

imagine:

PARTYING. Thats what you can get from my school parties.

Best best classmates ever:

Jaminah, you still havent tell me why the white tigers fight.