This is how I will leave you

With a backbone.

With everything I had ever given to you in toll.

With a head full of silky smooth hair.

With my head held high.

With glittery eyes that shone like the moonlight.

With a radiant face that glows with Glory.

With a pocket filled with sunshine.

With God's grace.

Amen.

us

I am nothing like her, and she's nothing like me.

I will never understand why you would chose someone like her over someone like me. How did your taste change overnight? What did I do to have pushed you so far away from me? I stood by you thru hard times. I supported you thru hard times. I was there for you all the time.

But, where were you when I needed you?

I pondered over our relationship every now and then. How did this bittersweet emotion feel so right? How did I manage to overlook every single flaws of yours? How was it possible that every inch of you is beautiful to me? Why did I even try to see your beauty?

I loved you, thats why.

I cherished our fights, our disagreements, our everything negative. I think it adds spice to our relationship and I wouldn't exchange any second of that for the world. All the battle scars we had are all worth it. All the heated exchanges were all worth it.

Because, it means we were fighting for each other.

There are so much more I'd do for you then that I will still do for you now. I hope you are doing great. I hope she takes good care of you , even more than I ever did. I hope you have found your one true love. I hope she has also found her one true love.

That girl who is nothing like me.

Things that I will never tell you

I am totally the man in this picture while Koh's the woman.

Coming into the 6th month of my breakup with Koh, I am reaching the stage of resentment at myself and feeling really sorry for myself. Last two nights was full of "what has become of me". At first, i get sympathy from my friends then it was pity and now, I guess I am just annoying the fuck out of them. When asked what should I do if one day I were to stop teaching, Oldman said, "Write". I pondered on it for abit and then agreed. I may not a writer to begin with, however he reminded me of how useful this tool is.

It was a tool I used to get it out of my system.

A relationship is like cooking soup; too many cooks spoil it, but when and if given too little attention, water gets evaporated into nothing. What happened between the both of us was abit of everything. There was a time where I cheated, then we both cared too much, then he cheated, then I decided to take steps back while he threw his attention at me, then there is where we are right now. Guess we just grew old too fast and instead of going out doing things people our age do, we stayed in, cuddled, and that was it. We led such a "marriage" lifestyle, I almost didn't blame him for cheating on me - I still don't.

Whereas for the longest time, I blamed it on myself. I said, to myself, that I wasn't good enough, I was just terrible, I didn't listen, I couldn't get to him 'cause I didn't try hard enough, 'cause I was lazy, 'cause I this I that.Every.Single.Day.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, and if we kept tabs, I am Jesus of all Girlfriends, I daresay.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, we both know its unhealthy if we kept on going.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, and I still will go back to him in a heartbeat -without any romantic gestures-, I think I am a failure, which, sad to say, I am.

Maybe, I shouldn't be reminiscing at all. Perhaps, its the period that's talking right now. Otherwise, I'd like to start on my list of Things I Will Never Tell You. After months of avoiding and hiding my feelings under my bed, this is going to be my first step of handling my breakup with Koh. Although, I never expect a day where he will stop loving me and stop being my The One, I wish him the best with the other 937873987 girls he's chasing right now.

I will never tell you how comfortable you make me feel under my skin for the first few years of our relationship. Maybe your dick just needed some actions and I was there therefore in order to get some, your natural instinct was to praise me.

I will never tell you how how much I needed you and our relationship. How our hands fit nicely into each other's and how nice it is to be with someone who never belittles me.

I will never tell you how I sometimes wonder why me. Why of all the girls in the world, you picked me.

I will never tell you that it hurts now that it is game over for the both of us. I miss my best friend everyday.

I will never tell you that I thought we were forever. Despite all the shortcomings, you are the one I love.

I will never tell you that its your face I want to wake up to every damn morning and the face I want to see before I fall asleep. Its not very handsome nor pleasant yet its the only thing I look forward to.

I will never tell you how much of a liar you are. You said I could tell you everything and anything but then, we hardly speak anymore. It's getting crazy and unbecoming of me to block you from my social media platforms just so that you would miss me too.

I will never tell you that I hate myself for caring, wallowing in self pity and not getting you out of my head. Why wasnt I enough and am I really not enough.

I will never tell you that.

I will never.

You better WORK BITCH!

Everyone, no really, everyone knows how much I love love love Britney Spears. I dont have all of her albums but I do have all of her scents. And when someone asks me what perfume do I use, I proudly say "Its Britney, bitch."









I am so glad that she's back on track and of course, I am proud of her for getting back on track. Seeing your idol fall and rise up again, only reminds me of how human she is. She's like any one of us. At least, she didnt overdose and die coughcorycough.

Racism

After watching an anti racism awareness video from this < http://www.upworthy.com/a-boy-makes-anti-muslim-comments-in-front-of-an-american-soldier-the-soldiers-reply-priceless> website, I find it extremely inspiring that people are standing up against racism. Especially when the soldier stood up for the cashier. He is truly one to be respected. When you're placed in a situation where you are trying to recover from the loss of comrades on the battlefield and facing your enemies who have a different religion from you, it's difficult to remain neutral but ever easy to form biased judgements against them. However, yet he realizes the true meaning behind his fighting - peace and equality. (However, this does not represent my stand against the war with Syria as that is entirely two different matters.)

Racism can't never be done away with like how we can never do away with people who are quick to judge. Human nature tends to be quick to judge but not to understand. But then again, how many times can we understand before we are conformed by the circumstances that forces us to judge almost immediately. If we see someone acting shady and using the shadows as their cover, we immediately become alert of our belongings but what if he or she was just a shy individual? However, the fact that we all just want to play safe and place ourselves first mean racism can never go away. In fact, many other selfish behaviors that arise from this will never go away and humanity can never attain peace completely. 

This entry is just how I feel about racism briefly.... Earnestly, I pray that we can do away with racism eventually because we are all equal beings and colors are not meant to be used for discrimination and in my belief, Christianity, God did not give us colors as a mean to judge and discriminate. If so, then we would not be just brown, yellow or white. I believe there would be so much more. 

And yes, I will stop procrastinating about my make up entry but I just felt that this is so much more important..

Signing off,

XT9A