Things that I will never tell you

I am totally the man in this picture while Koh's the woman.

Coming into the 6th month of my breakup with Koh, I am reaching the stage of resentment at myself and feeling really sorry for myself. Last two nights was full of "what has become of me". At first, i get sympathy from my friends then it was pity and now, I guess I am just annoying the fuck out of them. When asked what should I do if one day I were to stop teaching, Oldman said, "Write". I pondered on it for abit and then agreed. I may not a writer to begin with, however he reminded me of how useful this tool is.

It was a tool I used to get it out of my system.

A relationship is like cooking soup; too many cooks spoil it, but when and if given too little attention, water gets evaporated into nothing. What happened between the both of us was abit of everything. There was a time where I cheated, then we both cared too much, then he cheated, then I decided to take steps back while he threw his attention at me, then there is where we are right now. Guess we just grew old too fast and instead of going out doing things people our age do, we stayed in, cuddled, and that was it. We led such a "marriage" lifestyle, I almost didn't blame him for cheating on me - I still don't.

Whereas for the longest time, I blamed it on myself. I said, to myself, that I wasn't good enough, I was just terrible, I didn't listen, I couldn't get to him 'cause I didn't try hard enough, 'cause I was lazy, 'cause I this I that.Every.Single.Day.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, and if we kept tabs, I am Jesus of all Girlfriends, I daresay.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, we both know its unhealthy if we kept on going.

Given everything that happened during the years we had been together, and I still will go back to him in a heartbeat -without any romantic gestures-, I think I am a failure, which, sad to say, I am.

Maybe, I shouldn't be reminiscing at all. Perhaps, its the period that's talking right now. Otherwise, I'd like to start on my list of Things I Will Never Tell You. After months of avoiding and hiding my feelings under my bed, this is going to be my first step of handling my breakup with Koh. Although, I never expect a day where he will stop loving me and stop being my The One, I wish him the best with the other 937873987 girls he's chasing right now.

I will never tell you how comfortable you make me feel under my skin for the first few years of our relationship. Maybe your dick just needed some actions and I was there therefore in order to get some, your natural instinct was to praise me.

I will never tell you how how much I needed you and our relationship. How our hands fit nicely into each other's and how nice it is to be with someone who never belittles me.

I will never tell you how I sometimes wonder why me. Why of all the girls in the world, you picked me.

I will never tell you that it hurts now that it is game over for the both of us. I miss my best friend everyday.

I will never tell you that I thought we were forever. Despite all the shortcomings, you are the one I love.

I will never tell you that its your face I want to wake up to every damn morning and the face I want to see before I fall asleep. Its not very handsome nor pleasant yet its the only thing I look forward to.

I will never tell you how much of a liar you are. You said I could tell you everything and anything but then, we hardly speak anymore. It's getting crazy and unbecoming of me to block you from my social media platforms just so that you would miss me too.

I will never tell you that I hate myself for caring, wallowing in self pity and not getting you out of my head. Why wasnt I enough and am I really not enough.

I will never tell you that.

I will never.

In another Teacher's hindsight

As a teacher, i feel sympathetic towards classroom teachers.



He (the teacher) forwent his pride and dignity to calm the tits (no pun intended) of his student who I reckon has family issues.

However, I wouldnt have apologised to the student for "shouting" at him. He is not deaf but obviously could have some kind of hearing problem. Either he couldnt hear the previous instruction given to him or he refuse to listen to that said instruction.. See, hearing loss maybe.

"Someone who has hearing loss might be able to hear some sounds or nothing at all."

-http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/sight/hearing_impairment.html

I guess the teacher was taken aback by the sudden outburst of the student. His voice was shaking as thou processing and finding the right words to say to the student at the same time.

As much as I hate to say this, but its because of one or two f these rotten apples in a basket that makes Normal Technical stream seem..terrible. I mean you already in that stream where people, for lack of better word, look down on you then why don't you feel the need to like prove them wrong?

With viral videos like this, even if the student had received public caning and had apologised to the teacher, it doesn't bring back that said teacher's dignity and pride nor the school's reputation. Kids, the term shouldn't be the reason for their behaviour.

We cannot condone their actions based on "iya, they are still young". If so, when does that 'young' dateline end?

Where's your brain at?

People tend to take things for granted. Consciously or subconsciously... as long as you take things for granted, you are shit. At a certain age, I will believe that you have gone through a fair share of like "being taken for granted" therefore there is no reason/excuse for you to not notice that you have/had taken something for granted. Not everything free that comes to you is what you deserve to be put in front of you.

Its like they live by this motto. 

Not sure if you are too poor or just too self centred. But sorry to burst your bubble, not everything revolves around your tiny weeny existence. Okay, I am not sorry. NOT. AT. ALL. Because from that moment, you are deem as a peck of dust - annoying and disgusting - in my life foreverrrr.

I mean seriously where do you really think the balls your team used for warm ups really come from? The organisers so nice to go and bring extra balls for you ah? The organisers not only book the venue, plan the event, arrange for prizes to be given out but also so fucking nice to like "HEY LETS BRING EXTRA BALLS FOR THE PLAYERS TO WARM UP!".

If I dont say this, I really cannot sleep tonight even with this (rant) entry up... YOU STUPID OR WHAT? YOU GOT BRAIN ONE OR NOT. IS YOUR BRAIN WORKING? THERE IS NO CURE FOR STUPIDITY YOU KNOW.

I mean if you dont know anything and you never been part of it, I understand. I will understand that you are ignorant, not deliberately trying to be a dumbass. But, thats not the case. Birds of the same feather flock together because your whole fucking team have no brain. Did a zombie apocalypse happened and I was unaware of it?

Because it seems like the zombies ate your brains!

Anyway, since we have already establish that you and your circle of teammates are brainless, it really makes me feel better and sincerely sorry. I mean, I think its really hard on y'all to be functioning without the most important organ. Life must be really tough on you therefore you find the need to take things for granted because you think you deserve it. I give it to you.

roll eyes to moon and back

However, next time, instead of blowing my top at my keyboard who is very innocent, I shall blow my top then and there. Its about time for y'all to find your brains and work it.

Yup, because I isnt got time for that.

You are quite lucky that oldman stepped in and stopped me from saying anything nasty to you because if you need someone to point out to how stupid your comments was given the fact that you were at the games earlier this year, I def got time for that. Secretly, I am a sadist. I enjoy telling people that they are less than below average.

Ahh, I feel so much better now thou I prolly cringe at the language used in this entry if I were to ever reread it. I prolly wont but I couldnt be bothered to phrase everything nicely with prim and proper english. Let's face it, you can understand meh?

Actually, this entry is not directed to a general You. Its really for a certain group of Yous who unfortunately exist in my life. Not in a very significant way thou but I have to have a conversation with them somehow, at least once a month. Sucks to be me.