A Letter

Dear Friend,

I am not your friend on FaceBook but you are a dear friend of mine in real life. Your departure is sudden but I guess when Allah needs you, He calls you back in His arms. I don't know how to deal with death but I will take it like a man. There are things about you that I've never told you however I reckon in time, I will tell them all to you.

I will never forget the encouragements and advices you gave me when we are in court, either playing side by side or on the opposite sides. I will never forget our banters. I will never forget the silly jokes. I will never forget laughing beside you. I will never forget the gracefulness of your throws. I will never forget you.

Don't you worry about all of us. We will keep playing the game of Life on your behalf. We will stand by your family and see that they are fine. I know you are too, just not longer physical. I believe you are meant for bigger things..perhaps in other lifetime. I am truly blessed to have known you.

Things will definitely not be the same during Dodgeball but your presence will forever be felt. I am sure we will continue the silly banters and the harmless flirtatious exchanges. We will feel your laughter and imagine you smirking when you are not in the serious mood. Its our loss that you won't be playing along side with us.

I won't be seeing you for a while and I will be alright. Don't miss us but we will miss you. Till we meet again.

#22

Of Habits and Addictions

Us in '13

**** I was with EK for many years and throughout these many years, it had been a bumpy roller coaster ride without any seat belts on. It was scary at times, however thrilling and fun. EK gradually became my comfort zone. When we speak about breakup, we spoke about finding what we had in another person. Conclusion has always been "Unlikely/Not possible".

EK is one who knows love. He is someone I could bare my soul to because he listens and knows what to say. He is someone I could bare my naked body to because he makes me feel beautiful. He is someone I could call whenever because he is there for me. He is a very special someone to me. No one would ever understand the chemistry we shared.

Soon, I got hooked.

Having EK in my life gave me a sense of security in life; when all else fails, EK would still be standing there smiling at me, lifting the world on his shoulders... just for me. He constantly gives in to my whines/rants/needs/wants. To be honest, despite his flaws, he tries his very best to give me the very best. That made me love him, flaws and all.

I always knew EK would eventually get sick of me. The 5 years was full of EK kept giving and I kept receiving. I didn't know how to express my love for EK via actions. I didnt know how to show that I care via actions. Emotionally, I was a broken doll. Our break up was inevitable. I've always saw it coming, but I thought if I held on longer, EK will get over the phase and we will still be happy together.

EK was someone who puts in a lot of effort. He cooked, he cleaned, he made sure to plant surprise snacks in my bag when I go off to work. He took care of me when I am sick, regardless how serious the illness was. He made sure I receive my favourite flowers every V'day. He gave in to my every wimp. He planted kisses on me every morning if I am still in bed. He wrote notes and placed them in my wallet (some of them are still in my wallet) randomly. He was overall sweet and I was demanding.

Our last one and a half year together, we tried different ways to get along. I tried to loosen up and allowed EK to fly as far away as he wants to, thinking that he will fly back home because he knows I am waiting for him. EK did flew home, but it wasn't till 6 in the morning. By 3 am, I was already picking a fight with him for him to come home qiuck. I guess, I couldn't do the whole open relationship thing.. 'cause I became needy.

I moved back to my Parental's, with EK's approval. However, once I was settled down/got used to sleeping alone, EK started to call me every night. He would call to ask what time to pick me up to go somewhere then stay over his place or he could just check on me, which I appreciated. Some nights if we hang, I would insist on going back to my parents', some nights I would give in. Soon, we were both very tired, mentally and physically.

One day, he told me he found someone he said he love and who loved him back the way I couldn't whilst on his nights out with his BFF. Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out this someone who I have an unspoken connection with whilst being miserable knowing EK and I were on the rocks. EK and I wouldn't grow old together anymore. We had reached our limits and it was really time to let go.

Letting go was the hardest part. Knowing that he had moved on and brought the girl home the very next day was devastating. I cried every 10 minutes, I wouldn't eat nor get out of bed, I didn't want to work and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I don't know when will the pain end. I've lost a boyfriend, lover, partner, best friend overnight. Its been quite a while now since the day I packed everything and left. Do I regret leaving him? No. I reckon the people you meet at the wrong time, is the wrong person. I will admit I am still in love with the EK I knew in 09, the EK I planned to grow old with, the EK I woke up to everyday. I am still grieving, and I will grieve all I want.

Ti-gers

Dont say I never wong you  ^^
Article idea courtesy of Silver .

First we had the bubble tea craze, then the donut craze, followed by GongCha/Koi craze , and here we are at the Siam Tiu* craze. The world is constantly changing its trend and I am at a crossroad. At every trend, I could understand each and every pro and cons, and I obviously took sides; like it or not. Nonetheless, every trend was toxic in its own little ways.. except the last - Siam Tiu. It's toxic as fuck.

Hollywood Thai Disco - Looks fun, meh?

Don't get me wrong. I dont hate Thailand. What is there is hate ? Everything is cheap there, and because its so near Singapore (mere 2 hours flight), I believe everyone agrees that its the perfect getaway for shopaholics. I have so many Thai friends sometimes its impossible to meet them all up on one trip.

Even finnfinnthebettertwin hearts Bangkok!

What I hate... is the idea of a Siam Tiu and its purpose. I've been to three different discos on three separate occasions and yup, my perspective of a Siam Tiu has never change. The working girls were mediocre, the music was shit, and worse of all, its always dramatic. However, I've never really had any problems with their existence. It takes two to clap - these girls, although on social visit pass, are just out to earn a living; decent or not. Men, horny enough, will just go for it.

I would like to think that if I am a guy, I would have better standards than this.

I dont ever remember ever telling myself or to my friends "such a great night. we should come here again." at the end of our drinking sessions. Unlike Zouk or Butter or even Sluttica.

Ultimately, almost all men are the same. This was where the problems I have with Siam Tiu started.

When my childhood friend (who is half Thai) got himself involved with a Thai girl, I was like "hey, he's going back to half of his roots". I was genuinely happy for him because he finally found love despite how dramatic his girlfriend's reaction was to my existence. I backed off naturally. This means no contact whatsoever with that friend whom I've known for many years whenever the girlfriend was in town or he's overseas with her.

I dont know where or how in the blue moon I've offended her but just the same, I couldnt stand the sight of her anyway. I learnt to live and respect my friend's decision. I even tried to be in the same room with her because I am bro enough but yah, some things just cannot be forced.

Note; I am not indicating that my friend's girlfriend is a gold digger. Please do not spread nasty 

rumours. 

Secretly, I always feel that these Thai working girls are here for the same reason - to earn more money. Then, because of one or two black sheeps who started dating them and showering them with more money, soon the trend of dating a Thai working girl ignited. What does that mean for us Singaporean girls who want to settle down with a Singaporean man? Shit, really. Shit.

Asians, Singaporeans in general imho, women have the tendency of wanting to dating White men, I get that. Perhaps we feel that they have more earning power hence due to the standard of living here, we succumb to dating someone whom we think can give us better lives. Singaporean men forever complaining about how gullible these women are. Now, the tables are turned. Singaporean men are suddenly the White men in Thai culture!

It must have been such a huge impact on every Singaporean men's ego.

So in recent events, one of my very very close friend got himself involved with a Thai girl too and he said to be very much in love with her despite knowing her for barely a month. He was with his girlfriend for nearly 5 years and broke things off with her so that he could bring the Thai girl home. He brought her home the very night she left. Needless to say, he's no longer in our lives.

We are still in mourning period and I came across this status posted by a stranger.. who is a guy, by the way. It hit home. The article rulings went -

To my dear friends who are addicted to Thai Clubs.

Thai Club Anti Gong Tao Rules:

No. 1 - Puying are here for work. They are not looking for a relationship with you.

No. 2 - Puying give you the Girlfriend Effect (GFE). Please do not mistake this for love.

No. 3 - Puying have a daily quota for Ladies Drinks. They will flirt with you to meet this quota.

No. 4 - Puying exchange their numbers so as to sms you "i miss you", "will you come find me"... It is their usual practice so don't think you are special.

No. 5 - It is quite common to bring Puying to supper after their work or even go out on their off days. They are just finding a guy to provide the free transport service, food, entertainment and shopping spree. Obviously they will treat u like their bf during such sessions.

No. 6 - Darling or teerak is easy for them to call out to you. Please realise that every customers to them can be a darling or teerak and don't feel that you are the only special one.

No. 7 - Do not prioritize them over your job, family and true friends.

No. 8 - Deep dive into your mind and ask yourself (Its love or lust?).

No. 9 - You ARE just another customer.

No. 10 - Hurt them rather than getting yourself hurt (That's the basis of most of the Thai songs out there 555).

No. 11 - Make them fall for you first.

No. 12 - Don't give them your real name.

No. 13 - Don't give them your address or home number.

No. 14 - Don't promise them anything.

No. 15 - Don't give them cash.

No. 16 - Don't reveal your pay.

No. 17 - When asked for ladies drink (LD) or flowers, tell them "Not today, going back soon, another day".

No. 18 - Fact: Singers make from $5K to 8K every month. Models/PRs earn from $8K to $10K every month. Those good ones get $15k and above. Plus branded luxury free give. They might be earning more money than you.

No. 19 - Do not believe their sad stories.

No. 20 - Their names is not their real names.

No. 21 - Do not send money to her back in Thailand.

No. 22 - If you both are in love, do be prepared to maintain a long distance relationship.

No. 23 - If you both are together, do be prepared that she will continue her work as a PR/Singer/Model.

No. 24 - Thai Culture is very different from Malaysian Culture. Be prepared to put in the 110% effort to work out the umpteen hurdles from family and otherwise.

No. 25 - Be prepared to support her and give her money to send home if you insist she not work as PR/Singer/Model. You will be supporting her parents, siblings, herself and yourself.

We are worried for this friend of ours but there is nothing we can do about it because he's a big boy. He has been with the same girl since he was 20; prolly many things other guys his age had experience but he didnt get the chance to because he was living a very "married" life. That's the excuse I've given him to make things easier on my side, however they had a pact: "He could do whatever he wants outside as long as he knows where is Home". I doubt anyone in the right mind would not be happy with that pact.

Bitch please, we cant please everyone.

I thank lucky stars and count blessings everyday that Laode doesnt like Siam Tiu as well. Its not like no one asks him, or he doesnt like it because I dont like it. Its just great news for me as I will never have to catch him in the act and I know that wherever he goes, its always some place decent. So ladies, if your men likes to hang around places like this because "beer are cheap", "my friend works there", etc, please just beware and monitor closely. Don't fall victim to some of these cunning bitches.

* Siam Tiu means Thai disco

In another Teacher's hindsight

As a teacher, i feel sympathetic towards classroom teachers.



He (the teacher) forwent his pride and dignity to calm the tits (no pun intended) of his student who I reckon has family issues.

However, I wouldnt have apologised to the student for "shouting" at him. He is not deaf but obviously could have some kind of hearing problem. Either he couldnt hear the previous instruction given to him or he refuse to listen to that said instruction.. See, hearing loss maybe.

"Someone who has hearing loss might be able to hear some sounds or nothing at all."

-http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/sight/hearing_impairment.html

I guess the teacher was taken aback by the sudden outburst of the student. His voice was shaking as thou processing and finding the right words to say to the student at the same time.

As much as I hate to say this, but its because of one or two f these rotten apples in a basket that makes Normal Technical stream seem..terrible. I mean you already in that stream where people, for lack of better word, look down on you then why don't you feel the need to like prove them wrong?

With viral videos like this, even if the student had received public caning and had apologised to the teacher, it doesn't bring back that said teacher's dignity and pride nor the school's reputation. Kids, the term shouldn't be the reason for their behaviour.

We cannot condone their actions based on "iya, they are still young". If so, when does that 'young' dateline end?

Facades and PMS

Don't know why but I woke up this morning with a bout of insecurity. What I made it worse by was watching Catch Me If You Can and feeling sorry for Leonardo Dicarprio's character. (Andthenistartedcryingandshit) 

&then all this life issues started presenting itself to me. And I'm like fuck. Really ah? Magnifying problems that are tiny. Magnifying issues that are probably created in my head. And I sound so neurotic now........ 

And it's times like this that I should talk to someone and be able to share my thoughts with. I hate myself for times like this. Like all these are pointless and whatever thoughts I put into action is like even worse. Like I created a problem out of nowhere. 

Yes, I need help. But out of it all, I think I need encouragement and support the most. There will always come a time when I need to admit that I'm not perfect and I shouldn't expect it of myself and people around me. 

Okay. Maybe I'm just feeling Miley.

(Miley: craving for attention excessively)

Or maybe it's just my PMS. Hahaha

Signing off,

XT9A