Ha, I blog before you

Last night, I had a dream. The kind of dream I dream in reality as well. This feels like Inception. My dream was my 3rd degree, the first being reality. I wasn't always this size. I started gaining weight when I was 16, fresh from GCE 'N' Levels. I found fried mars bars and yup, you guessed it, for 3 months, I had it everyday for dessert.

Managed to put on 6kg.

I, then, tell myself never to go beyond 60kg. I was 56kg, standing at 166cm. After years of not exercising, being happy, sad and any other emotions, I am what I am today. Not afraid to tell you, I'm 65.2kg (the last time I weigh myself was last friday at Cheryl Fong's attic), still standing at 166cm. I lost 3kg. It didnt feel like I lost anything because I feel fat everytime I wear clothes. I feel like I dont look good.

Aza cheered me up once by saying I actually look good, not too skinny nor too huge. Im, in fact, average and just nice. Maybe because I have boobs so almost all men say the same. Or they are just merely being nice.

So I wake up from my dream. First time I said to myself is Let's go for a jog. It was 8am and raining. Of course, I fell back to sleep. The point is, I suck.

A whisper

You got me on a hook; an itch only you can scratch .

Kids say the darnest things!

Nigel Ng has always been the apple of my eye, the cheese to my pasta. We might be 12 years apart but I'm glad I can always be silly with him. It's like I never grow up when I'm home.

Raining is it today, I decided to wear sheer stockings . I'm bend on protecting it because it's my last one left. Rather, I want it to last the whole time in school.

Nigel came home and said: " why is your leg black?" He looked completely confused. You wouldn't blame his lack of 'fashion sense' because he's 9 and because all he has is an older sister and 2 older brothers. I isn't exactly the Girly girl and my mum is always in pants.

I said: "I went tanning." trying to look all so serious and it was like tanning gone wrong.

Nigel, being really smart, went to pull my stockings. "No. It's not. If it's your leg, you will have feel the pain when I pull it."

"ouch! Don't pull my skin!" was my immediate response to that.

"why is it that your hands are not black?"
'well, I tanned my legs only.'
"don't bluff. What is it, jiejie?" while still pulling it

'ouch ouch ouch. Stop. Very painful!!'

This is how I look like when I am surfing the net.

Schoolastic

Hi, today is my first time having school on a bloody Sunday. It's shit because I've school from Monday to Sunday. It's shitter because the lecturer gives us assignments on Saturday to be completed on Sunday. What's the shittest is it's the weekends; no more party-ing like a dog and having hangover.

I had too much to drink at work on Friday and went to school with a slight hangover on Saturday. Last night I had awesome fun with primary school friends and came back only at 4 to complete 50% of the assignments. I'm so dead.

What's new is I lost my touch on journalism and it's not funny because it's newscasting class this week. Sucks to be me.

End of weekends rants. Bye.

I could be chasing but my time will be wasted.

Words. Sentences. Phrases. One-liners. Communication.

Plenty to say to you but hardly any idea where to start. I was telling Shikeen that I'd love to remember how we exchange our first sentences, how we exchange our first text message. I sat down and thought hard.

***

You were there. Level 6. White tee, blue jeans. Black rimmed glasses. Body turned to the back, explaining to the Marshall and Barney of the class the theory of the lesson. Distracted, I look up and said: "You sure?" That, was the first time I look into your eyes for a quick second.

***

Shy. I regretted that thought. See, wish like this should not be granted.

Inception. A dream within a dream within a dream. Ya, thats how it feels.

I don't remember how we first exchange numbers but I believe you were the one who sent me a text first. A phone message conversation that got me into trouble. Occasion how-are-yous. Random updates. / I-miss-yous. How-is-your-days. Talks about life -past, present, future. I-am-thinking-of-yous. Long walks. / 13hours intervals. short. blah. 2 days interval. MIA.

Thank you for the experience. Thank you for your time. Thank you for everything. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You made me feel like a fool. You put me out on the stool. I was blind. I was fine. Till I meet you. If I ever speak to you again, it will only be because of the awkwardness presence. Because we have mutual friends. Because I have to.

[While doing this entry, I had tons of pauses. I didn't know how to express myself properly and had the thought of discontinuing the entry. Then, these:

"#ZodiacFacts As a #Gemini Why keep things bottled up? You're not a soda can! Shake things up a little. " - ZodiacFacts via web

" #ZodiacFacts As a #Gemini you love normalcy, but pretending nothing happened does not make things normal after the breakup." - ZodiacFacts via web

pop into the top right hand corner of my screen. I believe it is a sign.]

After this entry, I vow not to think about you and completely take you out of my mind, body and soul. Okay, my facebook, handphone and soul.

" As much as a BFF can make you go WTF. There's no denying that we will be a little less rich without them." - Gossip Girl

Big Hair You are Beautiful

I want to do something with my hair. Its been too straight for my liking for many years now. I dont like tong-ing my hair every time before I leave to meet my friends because 1) it doesnt last 2) I end up being late all the time 3) I lazy. Hence therefore thus, I want to do the digital perm. I like the 1st and 2nd picture. Gonna do the perm base on that I think. Hopefully, it will not ruin the extensions !

Not the woman with 20 cats

So Cheryl made Sling and Sling made me see this. Honestly, I never seen anything quite like that. I declare myself not a catlady and will never be one of those old lonely women living in a house with 20 of these little things. Because they dont entertain me with their looks.

Pop and roll

You know how it feels when you want to go against something but no matter how hard you try, you end up giving in? The feeling sucks.

Because uncertainly is the issue. It may turn out good but most of the time, it brings regret.

I want to be able to turn back time, don't we all. I won't be having major heartche/headche like this and hving you on my mind for an hour seems like a day to me; 24hrs feels like 24 days.

When will I be able to get out from this and why did I get myself in this shithole of a mess?

Star light, star bright

Wish I may. Wish I might. Have the wish I wish tonight.

I wish this will all end. My cough, my flu.

Most of all, my temptation to see you, hold you, kiss you, text you, call you.

Butter Pops

Its been a month since Aza and I pop out at Poptart@Butter. Our favourite place to be where guestlists are attainable at ease, crazy indie music and flattering drinks.

Birthday kids

also birthday girl but a few years difference.

Nong time no see, DX and I cannot recognise him without his hair.

Primary school friend whom I fail to recognise also. Sorry, Xue Yuan!

BFF

Izzy princess.

Pauman

21 and late

for Aidan

What's your most frequently used words or tag lines?

*inputs a horse string full of Hokkien words

Ask me anything and this is not a comment box.

what was your favourite subject in secondary school?

I hate to admit this but Design and Technology was my favourite. Cher, why are you embarrassing me?

Ask me anything and this is not a comment box.

You may say so

I don't like having too much time on my hands. I've always been working part time and schooling full time. For the last 6 months, I am been only schooling because daddy decided to secretly upp my pocket money then, hinting me to not work part time. I am, also, been lazy. This must stop, pronto.

So I decided to take up a 2nd diploma (thanks to Cheryl Fong) part time while doing my current full time diploma. The next 10 months is going to be hectic and I believe I can handle it. I won't have free time on my hands so friends and family, please bare with me.

10 months + 2 diplomas = Celine is insane.

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

I want to read minds.

Ask me anything and this is not a comment box.

90th

Yesterday, I realize no one will treat me better than how Koh treated me yet I refuse to give in and get back with him. I don't want to be selfish because there is nothing left I can put on the table in this relationship. Everyone else was right. We shouldn't have started to begin with.

There was so much love but it couldn't conquer the madness fights and the endless arguments. They say "once you lose it then you will cherish it". Ever since we broke up, Koh has been showing me more care and concern. That actually made me feel that all boys are the same; Major Dickheads. Kukus who are nice to you when chasing you, average or close to zero attention given to you when together and extra sincere to you when chasing you back. The cycle repeats.

What we had was an unhealthy relationship. We never once got into the root of the problem. Koh's famous line throughout these 10 months was: "Let's pretend its all a dream". Then, he does something sweet and everything is a-ok. We don't have what you call levels of anger. Whoever's angry will start shouting, throwing things, slamming doors and walking out. Ya, if you think Koh is never the angry type, you think again. See, that's why I say its better to be friends with Koh than his girlfriend.

I am fighting hard to stay friends with Koh first. I think even if I want to forgive him, I should not jump straight from where we left off. I honestly cannot believe that our journey might end just here. We are not the most likable couple on earth and this might have been a mistake but I know, for sure, I loved Koh.

WANT!

Olympus PEN E-PL1