90th

Yesterday, I realize no one will treat me better than how Koh treated me yet I refuse to give in and get back with him. I don't want to be selfish because there is nothing left I can put on the table in this relationship. Everyone else was right. We shouldn't have started to begin with.

There was so much love but it couldn't conquer the madness fights and the endless arguments. They say "once you lose it then you will cherish it". Ever since we broke up, Koh has been showing me more care and concern. That actually made me feel that all boys are the same; Major Dickheads. Kukus who are nice to you when chasing you, average or close to zero attention given to you when together and extra sincere to you when chasing you back. The cycle repeats.

What we had was an unhealthy relationship. We never once got into the root of the problem. Koh's famous line throughout these 10 months was: "Let's pretend its all a dream". Then, he does something sweet and everything is a-ok. We don't have what you call levels of anger. Whoever's angry will start shouting, throwing things, slamming doors and walking out. Ya, if you think Koh is never the angry type, you think again. See, that's why I say its better to be friends with Koh than his girlfriend.

I am fighting hard to stay friends with Koh first. I think even if I want to forgive him, I should not jump straight from where we left off. I honestly cannot believe that our journey might end just here. We are not the most likable couple on earth and this might have been a mistake but I know, for sure, I loved Koh.